This last weekend, my best friend Emy and I went as each other's date to our friend's wedding. A glorious, amazing, hilarious friend that we went to middle and high school with (middle school is when I joined the crew, so that's when it really matters). And this wedding was set to be the precursor to our high school reunion this summer (what what? 10 years already?) so you may be extremely shocked to know I was a little nervous. I mean, I was excited - and our high school was fun. No one hated each other, there wasn't really any bullying, and everyone of course had their groups, but we were all friendly with each other. And it's not possible to like EVERYONE you go to school with, so I had a few reservations about seeing some people at this wedding that didn't enjoy yours truly (inconceivable) and was anxious to see what 10 years had done to their ideas of me. I know I had changed and was not the same person I was 10 years ago. Still awesome though, without a doubt. And you know when you have an experience with someone, that is usually the experience that remains with you, years later? Well, that's why I was nervous.
And of course, I get there and see at least 20 people from my graduating class, and you know what? It was awesome! Everyone was nice, and gracious, and we talked excitedly about our lives and what is in our futures, and what the reunion will be like this summer. Someone at my table at the reception said "You have to remember other people can change too. Why do you think they are still the same people you went to school with 10 years ago?" And that was a good point. Why DID I think that? The thought had never occurred to me these former classmates would be any different from 10 years ago. But every single one of them was great and sweet and it was really good to catch up.
So I learned my lesson - once again, life does not revolve around me and that everyone can learn something new about themselves. That people can change, and maybe even they were as nervous as I was! Then again, maybe not. Either way, the reunion this summer is going to be a great time, and I'm really looking forward to seeing anyone who shows up!
So true!! People really can change! If we want them to think we have then we need to try to be aware that maybe they have too!!
ReplyDelete♥ Ashley
atparsons.blogspot.com
The belief/fear that people do not change is likely due to two contingencies. First, as you mentioned, without new memories to change our image of a person, our view of them becomes trapped in time. We can hope they have adapted with us to the adult world, but such hopes can be a fickle thing. This leads to the second contingent: those people who miraculously do not change. One can imagine them colloquially being referred to as "That guy."
ReplyDeleteA football player who continues to obsess with how the high school team is doing, visiting the school after hours to reminisce with the coach about the good old days.
A person who learned to be aggressive to solve problems continues raising their voice, using slurs, insulting, and utilizing aggressive postures in their adult life.
The moment we hear stories about "that guy," or worse, meet "that guy," we imagine it wholly possible that anyone could stagnate to that extent.